Pirate King / He Who Walk Behind the Kale Stalks
Status: Inactive (still Dank though)
Guild: Brotherhood of Kale
“Hello I’m Dankbeard and I will be telling my story instead of this cunt of a DM. I came from the legendary stork, blessed by the goddess Virgo herself, and I fell into the world and banged 3000 hos. Afterward, I grew up and I then killed 5000 sea monsters and became pirate king. I REALLY like kale and I found out that you can smoke kale so I now sell kale as a drug since I am the dank pirate king.
Eventually I got bored and I decided to go to space to fight the extraterrestrial lords and I took one of their cannons after I futt bucked them all. Unfortunately, my parents died somehow by the hand of some random fuck face but I launched him into the sun so now I am happy."
(This may be a little bit of an exaggeration)